Translation for your convience

Friday, January 6, 2012

Worked on description

Okay, I wrote my description. First draft and then adjustments until I have what I consider the final draft. Not sure my brain understands the assignment. I love the snippet, but am not sure it meets the required assignment. This is the frustrating part of my writing. When I read their example and look at mine I wonder why stuff comes out that seems to have totally missed the mark. I followed the instructor’s recommendations to add dialog and a setting, but still missed the mark. I will sit on it a couple of days and re-do. Also did more research on character development and plan on finding out other things about John Smith. Ie favorite color, food, car, least favorite whatever, schools attended and graduated, etc. Although not important for the assignment, this is going to be fun and important for future characters for a novel or story..

Here's me doing what I want to do. I'll post what the assignment want's me to do when it's done.
Sarah catches Craig’s searching eyes. She checks her hair, smooths her red, floor length dress and approaches him. "Have you seen Mr. Smith yet?"

"Don’t think we will. You know he throws these parties, but seldom mingles. I don't even know if he's in town. From my experience, who'd want to spend time with that arrogant bastard anyway?"

Arrogant?” Are you starting rumors?" She smiles in a knowing way.

"Rumors? No, facts. Last week he abruptly left a board meeting and ran into me. He growled his displeasure and continued down the hall. Heard later he didn't like the coffee service and went to Marie's to pick up his favorite."

She feels watched, looks up and sees Mr. Smith in the living room, separate from his guests. "Craig," she said taking his arm, "let's continue inside. This entryway may be large, but it’s getting crowded and sounds like a bee hive. Besides, the fireplace beckons." She gestures down the hall and notices the silver candles, strategically placed, that add a holiday glow to the party.

"Wait here," Craig seats her on the tan, wrap-around couch, "I'll get our drinks."

Sarah is mesmerized by the flames that dance and crackle with the music. Once again she feels watched. She looks up in time to see Mr. Smith turn away. Rising, she carefully clears the large, claw legged coffee table. Her quick steps click across the floor. "Mr. Smith, please wait."

He stops and turns. His large, dark brown eyes see into her. His melodic voice and drawl beckon her. "Sarah, glad you could make it. Hope you're enjoying the party." He takes a couple of champagne glasses from a passing server and offers her one.

"Thank you," she takes a sip, "I love your home and am always grateful for a chance to visit."

John takes her by the elbow and escorts her through the dining room. The eight foot table is laden with party treats and surrounded by invitees. The dark wooden, high backed chairs are against the wall where guests have taken advantage of a place to sit near the feast. John and Sarah exit onto the balcony. John shuts out the din of conversations, music and light laughter of his guests. The cool mountain breeze ruffles his roguish hair and highlights the chestnut spikes with a reddish tint.

At the rail she looks out. "I love how you nestled this huge place among the trees." His gentle arms wrap her securely against his warm body. She inhales deeply of his sandalwood and ginger cologne with a hint of pine from the forest. "John, I..." she fights for control of her emotions, "I.."

He silences her with a tentative kiss.

She gasps, pushes him away only to grab him by the collar of his tux and pull his six foot plus height into her passionate reply. She looks up into his dimpled smile, "What about the board?"

"Everything will be fine, I promise."

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